I don't know about you but it seems like everyone has an opinion when your pregnant. To breast feed or not, to stay at home or work, home birth vs hospital. I don't think it's just our hormones taking effect as some would like to believe. I really can't believe how pushy and nosey some people can be. No I'm not pregnant but going to a friends recent baby shower really stirred up some past pregnancy emotions that I had and that this mom to be was feeling at her shower. Is it just me?
I personally think that if you are acting in the best interest of your child then any decision you make it the right one. If a mother chooses not to breast feed that is their choice and if she does it against her better judgement or comfort then neither her nor her new baby are going to enjoy each other as they should. If a mother chooses to go back to work instead of stay at home who are we to judge? She could stay at home against her wishes and resent her child/ children for loosing what she felt was her identity. Is that acting in the best interest of her child? I don't think so.
I understand people want to help and offer advice. However when the advice becomes a "have to" as opposed to a "this worked great for me" is when it starts to cross the line. I think it is especially sad when those demands are put upon you buy family (either biological or by marriage). It takes the joy and excitement out of being a parent yourself when you feel as if you have to meet up to the standard put before you by family. Even more so by family that your not so crazy about. Some of the advice I think re confirms that you should do the opposite "Oh, so that's how he got that way...good to know. Thanks for the heads up I'll be sure to not follow your example."
Maybe this sounds like rambling. Or maybe it is touching home with someone. Either way, as someone who is VERY outspoken on her feelings and a very strong communicator let me tell you what works for me. If the person is not family and you don't have to worry about their constant advice then say thanks and move on. If your receiving constant advice/ criticism from family then say something. I'm not encouraging anyone to go hormonal and loose it to their mom or mother in-law but I don't think it's fair to you or her to allow yourself to get all worked up with out giving them the chance to stop. My husband and I have a rule that we are not allowed to get up set with each other about anything that we haven't given the other an opportunity to change. I think the same applies here. Letting someone know how they are making you feel is perfectly acceptable. They can't tell you that your wrong, it's your feelings so how can they be wrong? Your perception is your reality and whether they are trying to make you feel that way or not is not the issue it's how their actions are making you feel. Call them out on what they are doing to you and how it makes you feel. If at that point they choose not to change then at least you know that you gave them the chance and the consequences of their actions are on them. Then they'll know why you don't like to come and visit for no reason or "hang out" and visit just because. And for all the grandmas out there, we need your advice when we ask for it and your support even when we don't.
